There is a storm coming and you know it because there always is and the next one may be in a different guise than the last one but it will still bring the rain and dark clouds. Of course, it will pass just like the last one did and every one from now on will too.
We can’t avoid these moments in our life but we can at least see beyond them. Sometimes it will look and feel like there is no way forward but there always is. Sometimes the storm can be so dark and heavy that occasionally a person cannot see the light behind the storm and chooses not to carry on in a moment of despair. We lose them from time to time and it’s sad because we always feel we could have done something. Perhaps we can and perhaps we can’t and we never know because that moment is gone.
Depression is a subject that many won’t talk about and it confuses me because anyone of us can suffer from it either directly or indirectly when a family member or friend enters the storm themselves. It’s not taboo, it’s not contagious, it is just a state of mind. I never hide the fact that I have depressive moments which are largely controlled and in my case not by drugs, and I am willing to talk about it because by being open it releases it in a way. I am being purely selfish when I mention my own problems but I do hope it helps at least someone to also feel they can talk about it too.
I live over 90% of my life in a place that is very comfortable and by that, I mean I find humor in everything and enjoy seeking the truth in a variety of subjects. I am generally a happy person but dark clouds can blow in when I least expect it. I have been enjoying a coffee with friends and suddenly without any known reason my inner world starts to fall apart. I have never felt suicidal but have had visions of my own death and that can be quite disturbing too. I could often cry at these points but I am so good at wearing a mask these days that very few people actually detect what is going on behind the scenes.
Never be ashamed of your thought pattern and never be frightened to tell the world how you feel. No one is truly alone and if you feel that way then reach out to me as I will understand. Although its not my line of work anymore I am never going to turn my back on anyone who needs to chat.